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being into straight men is surreal. one time a few years ago I had a guy over for dinner and he asked to help cook so I told him to halve the cauliflower and when I looked over he was literally trying to rip it apart. with his bare hands. most insane thing I've ever witnessed

— sloane (sipihkopiyesis) (@cottoncandaddy) January 14, 2020

one time i asked my ex to make me a bagel bc i was hungover and he asked me how to make it fit in the toaster, so i told him to split it in half. this motherfucker cut it like this and tried to shove it in the toaster pic.twitter.com/JWa9ZnucT6

— 🧚🏻‍♀️ (@kaylamarino7) January 15, 2020

I once said to my ex ‘I need your man hands’, when he asked what for I said to mash the potatoes. He stuck his bare hands in the hot mashed potatoes. Kinda my fault, but still. 🤷🏽‍♀️🖐🏾

— Eleanor Fights (@eleanorfights) January 15, 2020

It’s like the classic joke. Wife asks husband to help with Sunday roast “can you peel peel half the potatoes and put them on to boil” – result half peeled potatoes (all of them) boiling away… 🙄

— CaroH (@CaroHannon7713) January 15, 2020

My ex husband helped with dinner one night and the recipe called for 2/3c of something. He put in 2 cups. When I asked wtf he said he thought it meant 2 or 3 cups so he started off on the low end.

— Kaitlin (@FinchyKait) January 15, 2020

One time I was cooking for my ex and asked him to watch the onions while I checked on my elderly grandad next door. Came back in to a blackened pan containing what used to be fried onions. He 'watched' them burn and didn't understand what he should have done 💁💁

— Zoe the King ♔ (@Zoe_King_) January 15, 2020

I once prepared one of my ex’s favorites—sausage and cream cheese wrapped in crescent roll dough. Brushed the entire thing with egg whites, turned on oven to pre-heat, and walked away. When I returned, my ex had eaten half of the entire thing uncooked.

— Leslie Birdwhistell (@Leslie_LCSW) January 16, 2020

One time, my ex was making pasta sauce and thought that one clove of garlic = the entire bulb of garlic so he literally spent an hour just mincing 18 cloves of garlic for a recipe that needed 3. Men are wild.

— Amelia Salter (@Amelia_Salter) January 15, 2020

Friend bought 5 lbs of pork sausage. Used half in a sauce for pasta. Told husband to take the leftovers to work for lunch. He took the other half of raw sausage. And ate it all. And didn’t notice until she called and asked why he didn’t take his lunch (the pasta)

— Katie McKee (@Katharine_Mckee) January 15, 2020

I once asked my bf to open a jar of spaghetti sauce and when I turned around he was pouring it into the boiling pasta water

— Natalie Hess (@hess_natalie) January 15, 2020